A blind man cannot identify with the splash of colors just as the sounds of string would hold no meaning for the deaf… the sense of beauty is only an ability to identify with the play of the finite!
I am saying something about our awareness… using the word “OUR” makes a lot more meaning than ‘mine’ or ‘yours’.
A big question that had always stared in my face – Is there awareness that I can call my own?
And to find out the truth behind these never ending questions, I sought study of Hindu Upanishadic and Zen scriptures - and came close to knowing the existence of a ‘Chitta’ (pronounced as Chittha) that is an impersonal awareness encompassing the human individual mind, which is the house for all thoughts that run a life, and thought-energies that live inside us, to be realized in this human life. I could understand and relate to this impersonal ‘Chitta’ concept easily; although the relationship of this ‘band of impersonal awareness’ with the personal human mind, was not most easy to comprehend… it was simply outside the purview of my mind. Living with a question, in silence, gently but persuasively, is how the answer sprung up from the reservoir within, an unknown source of knowledge that is our vital energetic connection with ‘Chitta’, and infinity.
It is a very interesting parallel - of an infinite and expanding physical universe vibrating to an infinite band of awareness that always existed without a beginning and an end. This simple basic premise drawn from the Upanishads with a not so very different perspective of ‘nothingness’ or ‘great emptiness’ in Zen understanding, is something I had absorbed in my study of scriptures. But the scriptures also said that these observations were a direct vision of experienced knowledge ‘Shruti’ of great seers of the Vedic period, reverberated by visionaries of other philosophical schools over 100’s of centuries over time.
In a lifetime, wishing it as a wonderful experience to expand out of the limited human mind, I silently meditated over re-establishing a connection with ‘Chitta’ and infinity. All that I knew - my thoughts, feelings, fears and dreams were rotating in a finite universe that was vibrating to an energetic field or band of impersonal universe. Awareness is like a still body of water in which ripples came and left or a white sheet screen that reflected moving images projected from a mechanical device. All of the play of ‘life in motion’ – essentially thoughts leading to sounds and action, were reverberating within an infinite sea of ever existing and never ending Consciousness.
I cannot say when or how this split second realization came to me as a blast of knowledge or a peephole into infinity… but somewhere in my persistent silence, it surely did open an invisible door, and transformed everything for me. Thereon my human story continued to flourish as before, but my sight wasn’t the same. When the experience of this new sight came fully, I knew that everything existed the same way as before, in the extraneous world, but the perception of it had changed completely within me. Leaving a lot more room and space for existence to be just as it is… witnessing it as a play of the finite, while deeply rooted in the infinite.
While the personal world with a moving story is nothing but a game of identification… a pouring out of emotions, of laughter and tears, of failures and successes, of deprivation and fullness, of strengths and weaknesses, of power and helplessness – these are the momentary ripples in the water, whose truth is stillness unconditional!
In the recognition of this finding, I can forgive and forget every aspect of my human life, knowing its momentary nature, I can accept everything as it is. After all, it is only a construct of my finite mind that has been conditioned to perceive in one way and not the other, giving rise to the sense of right vs. wrong. In my connection with full awareness, I am absolved from passing any judgement, gently gliding on the surface of a still sea, and joint to the stream of my true identity.
While most of us are busy, deeply engrossed in our personal stories, our wants above our needs, our expectations of satisfaction often leading to dejections, and our aspired dreams of personal fulfillment suppressed by morality - an experience of the truth, and a glimpse of our full identity would be something to wish for, above all else.
- Author of the book “Integrate the Self” available on amazon.com and other major net portals